Purgatory (I)

- Should I tell?

- What's there that cannot be told?

- If I do, she will ask a thousand questions. She'll try to convince me to do the opposite of what I'm looking forward to. And she'll be disappointed.

- Isn't part of what you are looking forward to the same as what she wants?

- But if I keep my mouth shut, I'll be just like any other coward.

- Who isn't?

- If I tell her half of the truth and keep the rest absent, I'll have to come up with several excuses.

- Isn't that just another smoother way of lying, not telling the other what you're supposed to?

- What should I do? What goes around comes around...

- Everybody lies. You're what you determine to be the truth. You're what you make up as part of the truth. And you're everything you decide to keep away from the truth. Let me remind you: you only told her part of the truth.

Spectator

Listen











listen,
we were both on the same spot
you travelled a bit faster
a bit further,
I was still behind you
chasing for a clue
to make me closer to you.
storms after storms
there were rainbows,
we both smiled and cried
thoughout the flashing time.
I followed you whenever I was needed
you handed me your hand when I was desperate,
happiness was in the air.
how about now?
things have changed.
am I walking too fast,
forgetting to rest and the past?
or is it you stopping too often
ignoring everyone?
we barely look at
and see
each other,
the shape of your hands?
I can't even remember...
when did we stop saying 'you are my lover'?
I'm trying to sustain my feelings
not wanting to hurt or be hurt
and here you are
leaving me alone with all your problems
blaming me for what I haven't done
caused
or felt.
listen,
I can't take this anymore
I've got a path to walk on
a sky to touch
a heart to love and be loved,
I don't want to be alone in my own home
or talk to a person who is no longer listening to my words.
my heart is crying out for help
just a tiny moment,
it got to be listened
please
only a slice of your time,
where are you?
maybe you are feeling the same,
you might think I'm going too far away,
without sense of shame,
spreading my wings too early
driving you too moody,
maybe...
we are lost in a crossroad,
can't you see?
let's try to make it work
we need patience
and passion
once again...
just listen
to what's been here
for so long inside
my mind
listen...

I was going through some of my old written stuffs and I found "Listen". It was written about 3 years ago when I was having a very rough time in my then relationship. I can still taste the bitterness and frustration I felt back then. And it's funny how a strange tingling feeling is growing inside me right now when I read it. But it no longer hurts.

Shit

She brought me home. Cut me half.
He took my other half and cut it into pieces.
I wanted to be scared. But I didn't have enough time.
They were happy enjoying part of my juicy flesh.
She then sliced the rest of me with no mercy.
He came and devorated every single part of me.
I was satisfied because I was made to be eaten.
They were merely doing what they were supposed to.

And the world keeps spinning around while my seeds are left on the floor. Yes. Today I'm a watermelon. Nothing is making any sense anymore.