Sleepless Nights

I try not to think about it,
about anything.
I try really hard to forget
about everything.
So I force my mind to be blank
and stay it that way,
but I fail.
I pretend I'm relaxed
and just let go of my mind
to think whatever it wants to.
But it gets stuck and
turns out to be worse than before.
I open my eyes and
close them again.
Everything is so dark yet
I'm able to look around me.
I close them and
I can hear my own breathing.
It's loud,
so loud under the cold silence.
And now,
I am tense.
My heartbeat is intensifying.
I can't.
I can't...
I can't sleep.

Beauty Among The Rushing Time

Time runs. Time flies. Time disappears. And when it does it gives you a horrible feeling that you're losing control over a million things. Time. Something so precious yet there's no way to hold it but to live by it. Yes, that's time in my eyes. It's strange how everything moves in such a fast pace, how they make me feel we've been together for a rather long time even though we haven't. You're simple, subtle and charming in a very unique way. And whenever I look at you, I wonder how come I've such a beautiful creature next to me everyday. Each day reminds me of you... of how you complete my life. I'm pretty sure I've said it to you before, but I guess it's never too much or too repetitive when you really mean it. And yes, I mean it. So please, keep lighting up my days, all 7 days of a week.

Simply SMILE

It's amazing how simple things can light up somebody's day. Little gestures that might not necessarily mean anything to others (but who cares) can have such an impact in one's life.

Everything chaotic that was running and disturbing my mind for the past few days have vanished. All of that have gone. Thanks to a very simple gesture with the most powerful ingredient in it: Love. Thank you Love :)

Lost

I see nothing but your reflection. I wonder why. People are calling me out there. Should I go? Should I step out from this cage? I don't know... Tell me what do I know about all this... Nothing, nothing at all. And I'm just sitting here, looking in the mirror not sure if this is me or you I'm looking through. It feels like I'm done... I really don't belong to this hectic world. But the most scary thing is: I'm living in my own chaotic and rebellious world. Get me out... drag me out of here...

Beyond Boundaries

I don't mind waking up early in the morning
while my body is still unwilling
to separate itself from the comfy linen and duvet
(only to get you breakfast)

I don't care how many miles
I've got to walk in heels
when my legs are already numb and not mine anymore
(only to enjoy shopping and walking around with you)

I don't mind getting off work
sharp on time forgetting how much
paper work I'll have to deal with the next morning
(only to pick you up from work on time and give you a big kiss after a long day)

I don't care how sleepy I get at night
ignoring the need of my beauty sleep
and still talking on the phone or be out there in the woods somewhere
(only to listen to your voice and spend more time with you which is never enough)

I don't mind... as long as I can hold your arm really tight while you give me the warmest, happiest and sweetest smile of all...

Compatibility vs The One

- We are very happy right now...

- So, is she "the one" then?

- Well... the one or not the one doesn't really matter... I guess, if you had at least lived once in what we call "a platonic love", a "true love with the supposed the one", then that's already a big achievement in your life... there are people living together for more than 20 years without knowing what "true love" or "the one" means... so yea, if you've experienced it once, that's already a very lucky thing...

- Mmm...

- I love her, I'm very happy with her, she's a great person... of course there are times when we can get pretty moody and bored with each other, but we are happy... we both have experienced really intense relationships before... violent ones... when we both loved someone so much we ended up suffocating each other... huge arguments, things flying at home... now it's like we've finally found each other with similar background and we don't need any of those things anymore... it's more like whether you can see yourself living with this person for the next 10 years or not. And I can see myself with her... it's an ongoing process... not just the present...

- Yea...

- It's like: would you choose to live with your "the one" who's not really compatible with you, or with "the most compatible one" when you can see your life with him/her for a really long time?

- But to me the one is the most compatible one, otherwise he wouldn't be the one... It's because he must be different and unique in such a way that makes me see and really feel he's the one or my truest love...

- Oh well...

- Where's the point in separating "the one" from "the most compatible one" then?

He Went To Mars And Never Got Back

As if I didn't know what harm it could have caused, how dangerous it was. I knew what would happen but I insisted on it without taking your advice. We were rebellions and reckless. And I wasn't a rebel without a cause. And maybe that's why we are how we are right now.

I wanted to move on. And I did. But from time to time, the image of you still appears in my head while I'm busy kissing someone else. I don't love you anymore but I can't erase you from my mind. Perhaps you're still the one closest to what I call the imperfect-flawless-half. How unfair and disrespectful is this to the one I've just kissed?... I can picture you saying "unfair and disrespectful?! you should be the last person to mention those two words!". Yes, you're right.

I do miss you a lot. And I'm extremely upset by the fact that you're ignoring me, just like that. As if I'm not even a friend worth one of your effortless "hi, how's everything?". If so, say it to my face. And I'll be gone, forever out of your life. Am I not out already? Or are you playing one of your little games with me? You just don't say it, do you. Because you're tired of me, of my childishness, and you think you're just too good for me to handle. But at the same time you don't want to lose me. How contradictory is that? Or am I just too good in imagining things, being helplessly unrealistic and idyllic with my so called life? Maybe. But if that's not the case, then please, just admit it, just tell me you don't want to lose me. But have you ever had me? If not, how can you ever lose me?

Well, I'm waving my white flag now...