Tell Me

I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss. Tremendously. Desperately. Hopelessly.
I love him. I love him. I love him. Loudly. Crazily. Endlessly.
My brain tells me to stop.
My heart urges me to go see him even if I get rejected again.
My brain tells me to give up. Let go. Start everything from scratch.
My heart tells me there's still hope, there's still love.
What do I tell myself then?
What does he tell me then?

Back To Black

Nothing goes smooth.
Nothing ever does.
Am I too negative?
Too unpleasing to everyone?
I'm starting to think
I shouldn't be here in the first place.

Call me a pessimist. Because that's all I am for today. Tomorrow. And so on.

You = Ungrateful

From now on I will unplug my "CARE-ABOUT-YOU-AND WORRIED-AS-HELL-WHEN-YOU-ARE-UNWELL" cable. So I will not feel any longer. So I will be able to sleep at night and rest properly BECAUSE I ALSO HAVE A FRIGGING JOB to go to in the MORNING!

Keep Quiet

People say a lot. A lot of words live with us. Touch us. Pass us by, every single day. And we linger on them, breathing the truth out of them. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don't. And at others, we are simply not sure what they truly mean, how truthful they are. I can't remember where and when I saw: "silence is the most honest and truthful word". And I couldn't agree more. We tend to say so many already meaningless words to keep uncomfortable quietness away, to divert how we really feel, what we want to say but too scared and coward to say them, and we end up using words to beautify what's unbearable, to resurrect what's already dead, to delude those around us, even ourselves. Sometimes, those who are brave enough to accept what they truly feel, think and live by, those who respect you enough not to tell you any more rosy words, those who would rather not talk to you, not say a word to you, not to pronounce another deceiving spell, are those who tell you the truth, the most honest and sincere words.Words lie. But silence don't.

Today I Am

 Happy. In love. Content.

Au Revoir

It hurts when he says he knows me better than anyone. Because he doesn't. And it upsets me deeply because he still thinks he does. Perhaps he used to. Those days when he would pay extra attention to our relationship. But as time goes by, things get less taken care of, less important, less cherished. Things get easier. So easy, they no longer need you to take that extra step to find them, nurture them and, perhaps, keep them close, keep them deep in your heart.

To Inspire & To Be Inspired

A silly question has been jumping up and down in my head for almost the entire morning. Do I inspire him? In which consequently links to more questions like: is he inspired by me? am I his inspirations? have I ever inspired him? if so, do I still inspire him? All these are questions whether or not I inspire him or not, evolving around me me and me. How important it is for me to know I inspire him at all times! But does he inspire me? Am I inspired by him? Has he ever inspired me? Am I still inspired by him? Is he my inspiration? These also emerged to say a hi to my already busy, questioning mind. Conclusion: do I inspire him? He said yes. But I don't know. Does he inspire me? Yes. In every possible way yes. After all, it's not as a silly question as it is.