So, what's the look of love?
May 22, 2009
May 11, 2009
Today
I was looking out from the window the other day. It was raining. I was thinking to myself how come silence could be so loud between two closed ones. I was trying to figure out what went wrong. What could have been done. What we didn't do. And what was left to be amended. I tried so hard to rethink every step we took from the very begining to where we ended. Details and more details. I started to write down everything. Colors, places, clothes, days, foods, time. Words. Yes, when I was about to write the first word you said to me, I stopped. I couldn't come up with anything. All I could write was the last few words you told me on the phone the other day. Yes, I can no longer remember. And whenever my head hurts when I force myself too hard to recall our past, you're always there telling me "let's start from here". Thank you.
April 20, 2009
April 15, 2009
Purgatory (III)
- I'm confused.
- No you're not.
- I don't know what I want anymore.
- You are lost, not confused.
- Why can't I have everything?
- Your heart is too small for too much going on.
- No you're not.
- I don't know what I want anymore.
- You are lost, not confused.
- Why can't I have everything?
- Your heart is too small for too much going on.
April 07, 2009
Purgatory (II)
- I didn't tell her anything.
- She knew it.
-How come?
- Isn't that what you wanted?
- Talk to me.
- Now that you've achieved what you wanted, you moan about it.
- I'm greedy.
- You're selfish.
- I'm gutted.
- You're losing.
- I'm lost.
- Open your eyes.
- She knew it.
-How come?
- Isn't that what you wanted?
- Talk to me.
- Now that you've achieved what you wanted, you moan about it.
- I'm greedy.
- You're selfish.
- I'm gutted.
- You're losing.
- I'm lost.
- Open your eyes.
March 25, 2009
Purgatory (I)
- Should I tell?
- What's there that cannot be told?
- If I do, she will ask a thousand questions. She'll try to convince me to do the opposite of what I'm looking forward to. And she'll be disappointed.
- Isn't part of what you are looking forward to the same as what she wants?
- But if I keep my mouth shut, I'll be just like any other coward.
- Isn't that just another smoother way of lying, not telling the other what you're supposed to?
- What should I do? What goes around comes around...
- Everybody lies. You're what you determine to be the truth. You're what you make up as part of the truth. And you're everything you decide to keep away from the truth. Let me remind you: you only told her part of the truth.
- What's there that cannot be told?
- If I do, she will ask a thousand questions. She'll try to convince me to do the opposite of what I'm looking forward to. And she'll be disappointed.
- Isn't part of what you are looking forward to the same as what she wants?
- But if I keep my mouth shut, I'll be just like any other coward.
- Who isn't?
- If I tell her half of the truth and keep the rest absent, I'll have to come up with several excuses.- Isn't that just another smoother way of lying, not telling the other what you're supposed to?
- What should I do? What goes around comes around...
- Everybody lies. You're what you determine to be the truth. You're what you make up as part of the truth. And you're everything you decide to keep away from the truth. Let me remind you: you only told her part of the truth.
March 18, 2009
Spectator
Listen
listen,
we were both on the same spot
you travelled a bit faster
a bit further,
I was still behind you
chasing for a clue
to make me closer to you.
storms after storms
there were rainbows,
we both smiled and cried
thoughout the flashing time.
I followed you whenever I was needed
you handed me your hand when I was desperate,
happiness was in the air.
how about now?
things have changed.
am I walking too fast,
forgetting to rest and the past?
or is it you stopping too often
ignoring everyone?
we barely look at
and see
each other,
the shape of your hands?
I can't even remember...
when did we stop saying 'you are my lover'?
I'm trying to sustain my feelings
not wanting to hurt or be hurt
and here you are
leaving me alone with all your problems
blaming me for what I haven't done
caused
or felt.
listen,
I can't take this anymore
I've got a path to walk on
a sky to touch
a heart to love and be loved,
I don't want to be alone in my own home
or talk to a person who is no longer listening to my words.
my heart is crying out for help
just a tiny moment,
it got to be listened
please
only a slice of your time,
where are you?
maybe you are feeling the same,
you might think I'm going too far away,
without sense of shame,
spreading my wings too early
driving you too moody,
maybe...
we are lost in a crossroad,
can't you see?
let's try to make it work
we need patience
and passion
once again...
just listen
to what's been here
for so long inside
my mind
listen...
I was going through some of my old written stuffs and I found "Listen". It was written about 3 years ago when I was having a very rough time in my then relationship. I can still taste the bitterness and frustration I felt back then. And it's funny how a strange tingling feeling is growing inside me right now when I read it. But it no longer hurts.
listen,
we were both on the same spot
you travelled a bit faster
a bit further,
I was still behind you
chasing for a clue
to make me closer to you.
storms after storms
there were rainbows,
we both smiled and cried
thoughout the flashing time.
I followed you whenever I was needed
you handed me your hand when I was desperate,
happiness was in the air.
how about now?
things have changed.
am I walking too fast,
forgetting to rest and the past?
or is it you stopping too often
ignoring everyone?
we barely look at
and see
each other,
the shape of your hands?
I can't even remember...
when did we stop saying 'you are my lover'?
I'm trying to sustain my feelings
not wanting to hurt or be hurt
and here you are
leaving me alone with all your problems
blaming me for what I haven't done
caused
or felt.
listen,
I can't take this anymore
I've got a path to walk on
a sky to touch
a heart to love and be loved,
I don't want to be alone in my own home
or talk to a person who is no longer listening to my words.
my heart is crying out for help
just a tiny moment,
it got to be listened
please
only a slice of your time,
where are you?
maybe you are feeling the same,
you might think I'm going too far away,
without sense of shame,
spreading my wings too early
driving you too moody,
maybe...
we are lost in a crossroad,
can't you see?
let's try to make it work
we need patience
and passion
once again...
just listen
to what's been here
for so long inside
my mind
listen...
I was going through some of my old written stuffs and I found "Listen". It was written about 3 years ago when I was having a very rough time in my then relationship. I can still taste the bitterness and frustration I felt back then. And it's funny how a strange tingling feeling is growing inside me right now when I read it. But it no longer hurts.
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