The "We"

We love. We hate. We laugh. We cry. We play. We argue. We talk. We blame. We... Why can't we just sit down and talk through things in an adult way.

 

I Bruise And I Break Easily

We were teasing each other.
But then you suddenly said something painfully aggressive.
And that was how my heart broke into pieces.

A Brand New Day

A lot has happened for the past month. A lot of unhappiness. But today is a brand new day. I will keep on holding this day and remind myself to be positive and be happier.

Love?!

It's hard to keep being positive when things around you keep knocking you down when you just feel a little better. You say you love me. You say your love for me will only increase. You say you are the happiest man when you are with me. But your actions don't quite show the point. Or am I missing something? You don't ask me how I am. You text me as if you are only reporting to me where you are going, and that's it. You don't write to me asking how's my day? Or telling me how was your night. But again, if I ask you what is wrong, why are you acting like this, you will tell me to stop giving you so much stress, that you're tired, you have lots of things to do, etc etc etc, than putting me first. OK... I get it. Why should I bother so much. Why should I, once again, let another man hurt me. Why should my happiness depend on one man only. I'm tired an sick of always talking about my love life. I need someone to put me above everything else. I need someone to constantly show me his love for me. I need to be loved. Extremely loved and cared. I crave for love. I'm addicted to love. I simply need a man who can love me so much so much so much so much so much that he's willing to do anything for me. I know this is a crazy thought, a crazy dream, an unrealistic aim. But that's what I need. I need love. I need him.

Is Not That, But This!

You don't treat me as nice as before. That's a fact. People say when the "honeymoon phase" is over, there it kicks the "normal phase". So, now that we are in this normal phase, is the way how you treat me unacceptable? Not really. So what's the problem? Is your reaction. When I tell you how I feel, I expect you to try to understand and talk to me. But you don't. You immediately push your "irritated button" and get annoyed with me. If, by telling you how you make me feel at times, how I feel at times, annoy you this much, please tell me to whom I should show my feelings, to whom I should be so intimate to share my deepest emotions? Tell me!

Clouds

Can't really say I'm used to this. Or I'm being passive. Or even numb.

I really can't describe how I'm truly feeling right now.

Emotions are so complicated. Maybe is us who are way too eager to be complicated.

I'm so tired.

Day 4

Heavy head. Tired neck. Can't feel my shoulders anymore. Feel like lying on my bed, with no thoughts coming through and not giving birth to new complicated thoughts, simply lying there with an empty heart, empty soul. But I can't. Life goes on even when you feel like giving up. You still need to work. You still need to survive.
Last night was better than the previous ones. I guess I'm getting used to it now. This morning is a bit easier too because I'm starting to realise shit happens and even if I don't want, they still happen to drop on my head. So better wipe them away quick, and face whatever it comes. At the end of the day, there are thousands and thousands of people in much worse situations... So yes, need to be brave and learn to accept things change. People change. There is no "love you forever", "I will always treat you as nice as now", "you're my everything" etc etc etc... There is no unconditional love, apart from the ones parents have for their children. Better to wake up now then 10 years later. Must remember: there are people in worse situations. Must not see myself as a victim. Life goes on and deal with whatever unpleasant situations, because life involves great stuff and shitty things.
My forehead is so big today, I really feel like banging on my desk until I'm numb to whatever pain coming from there.