If only we could be together like the old days. Your pretty face keeps haunting me every night. And when I try to close my eyes during the day, I hear your voice calling me the usual mean names you were so keen at. I've to say I hated it. I hated those moments when you treated me like a kid, humiliated me in front of every single person we knew around the corner. But then I never said anything back. I never had the courage to tell you off. To tell you STOP. I guess I just took it all in until the day I kissed you and got slammed on my face right away because I almost ruined your lipstick (I still don't understand how...), and left without telling you where I was going. It was amazing, how you only noticed my absence a month later. I was really desperate for your phone call at night asking me where the hell I was. I waited and waited like a miserable little retarded man until you finally decided to call. I felt butterflies when I heard your voice. I couldn't understand a word you were saying though, 'cause all I was focused on was your breathy voice. I was hoping you would ask me back and apologize for the constant mental abuse you had been doing to me for the past 2 years. But nothing. The lasts words I could finally paid attention were: "I need you to sort out my final credit card payment, then you can pick up your stuff and go to hell with your stupid terrier". And so I went to the bank straight away, sorted out what you asked me to, picked up my boy which had clearly gained weight because you over fed him by leaving the entire pack of dog food nearby the door and came back to my studio flat which was only across your flat. Yes, that's why you didn't really notice I wasn't around until you no longer had your clothes ironed properly, the toilet cleaned with fresh smell and flowers to ornament the tiny little old breakfast table. Anyway, this is the last time I'm writing you. But again, I don't think you really care. Because I caught you using the letter I wrote you last week to get rid of the gum glued beneath your heels. Nice. I'm moving to somewhere else. No, not a few steps away from where I am. It's somewhere much further. I hope by then, you would really take notice of me not being around anymore. 
And so that was the last time I cuddled and kissed you willingly. It's not like I'm emotionally immune to you right now. I still have feelings for you. Is just things have changed I guess. It's like having ice-cream but not my favourite flavour. I need time to switch off. I need time to move on. I need time to find the right flavour again. It feels like shit when you get rejected. You think to yourself if you are really that bad that even he rejects you. I tried, but didn't work. I'm tremendously upset now, but nobody knows how upset I am exactly. Not even him. Because we are different. Because he doesn't live in the same pace as mine. Because we don't share the same feelings anymore. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic. Too dramatic. Too exaggerated. After all, we only had an argument. People argue and they make up for what's broken. But, if something is broken, how can you glue the pieces back together without showing any scars? You don't. You either turn a blind eye. Or you face it. Or you break it again testing how far the same shit can be broken once again. I'm lonely. I'm surrounded by people everyday. By you. You who were supposed to be my closest. My dearest. My love. But I don't know since when I started to float away from you. Or you decided to move faster without me. I don't know. If only there was someone who could feed my hunger for love. For security. For patience. For everything I don't have right now, not even with you.
There are days when I can't stop thinking about you. I know I shouldn't but my laziness to control my emotions and brain waves is weaker than my eagerness to think of you once again. We both moved on. But still I can't help it not to think what if... and the possible chances and things we could be having and doing if I've decided to take your hand. I can't really blame myself because there's nothing to be blamed of. I wanted reassurance. You couldn't promise such thing because you only wanted to breathe in the then-present. I wasn't secured in your arms because I knew you would fly away sooner or later. You thought I was ridiculous for demanding the future which was unknown to everyone. There are times when I wonder if you ever liked me that much as you said. If you ever think of me now. If you ever miss me. I know I shouldn't, but there are nights when I think of your thick lips and wonder how they taste now, almost 1 year and so after our last kiss. If I ever see you again, and if you notice me and remember my face, I'd run to you and kiss your lips. No I wouldn't. I'd probably just give you a smile and then get so distracted afterwards wondering what if...
