Leave Me Now, Right Now (V)

0 months ago

The clock keeps ticking.
Nobody talks until one of them breaks the silence, turns the music on...

("What a drag it is, the shape I'm in... Well I go out somewhere then I come home again...")

The nurse leaves Sheila's room. Before she closes the door, she glances at Sheila, asking herself what is wrong with this world? How on earth can such a beautiful person be so lost? This world is not fair... Where is God when some people most need His help? The nurse shuts the door.

Sheila looks in the mirror. She wonders where has the old Sheila gone. Where's the happy, carefree and beautiful being she was once proud of. All she can see right in front of her is a dull face. Those olive vivid eyes which could seduce any passing by soul, where are they? Gone. Now all she sees is a desperate portrait, someone who is no longer herself...

Is that it? - she asks. Is that it? Is that how she is going to live her so called life? Is that it? Her life... Her path filled with harsh and dusty air. What is life? What is its meaning though? Everyone tries to define or at least see life in a different and unique perspective, assuming it as dangerously beautiful in every way which should be truthfully cherished... Or re-creating it as some sort of untouchable treasure yet a practical desire which everyone must live in. But let's be honest, how many can really see and capture the essence of life before it is too late? How many... How many people have lost their faith, belief and love in their lives? The worse thing is not being alone: is finding yourself lost not knowing which way to step, which way is right or wrong. Time keeps flying, rushing to an unknown paradise, leaving those behind searching and trembling, wondering back and forth, hoping to change certain unchangeable memories.

("All my life, watching America... All my life, there's panic in America, Oh Oh Oh, Oh... There's trouble in America, Oh Oh Oh, Oh...")

She remembers the last words Jacob said before he was vanished. Those exact words: "Umm... I gotta go. Call me when you're ready". Sheila can still see him in the mirror, as if she was watching her own life documentary, reporting and revealing every tiny sequence: his back fades away as he shuts the door behind him leaving his past. This brief image of Jacob appears every once in a while, allowing Sheila to fullfill part of her desires.

("Yesterday was easy, happiness came and went... I got the movie script, but I don't know what it meant...")

And suddently tears are born, drawing fragile paths on her face, stamping the insivible bruises underneath her skin. She challenges time and travels back to her memories: the day Jacob left her place and never returned. Sheila closes her eyes and hears the phone. It keeps ringing, crying out for help... She sees herself on that unforgettable day. She sees another Sheila on the floor forgetting the world, ignoring her existence. It rings and rings. She finally picks it up. Isn't it amazing how people can open their little drawers of memories and pick whatever they want? At times, memories keep calling back when people most want to shake them away.

Sheila walks to the window. It's raining. Everything is distorted because of the running water. She whispers to herself while the rain drops touch the window: Yea... People are already getting hurt... I cannot pretend I had any regret, because each broken heart will eventually mend.

Each heart will eventually mend... How come my heart is not healed yet? You left me because you had to. But why? Did I do something wrong? My heart is broken. I gave it to you but you crashed it with your own hands... I thought everything was beautiful... I saw rainbows and butterflies in everywhere we went... Why did you have to go? It was my birthday... I thought you would give me the happiest birthday ever... But you didn't. You came to pick up your stuffs. You never told me what went wrong. Was there a she? A he? What happened? Why? What really happened???!!! I don't know because it was too late for you to explain when you finally wanted to... But I see you everyday... And... that's the scariest thing happening to me... - she says.

The rain stops. Ray of sunlights appears and lights up every corner of the room. She bursts into tears and destroys everything she sees around her, including herself.

("All my life, watching America... All my life, there's panic in America, Oh Oh Oh, Oh... There's trouble in America, Oh Oh Oh, Oh... Tell me how does it feel... Tell me how does it feel... Tell me how does it feel...")

What happened to Jacob? What went wrong between Sheila and her other half? Was going to a mental institution the best answer to all her troubles? Was Sheila just having illusions or was Jacob really there when she needed him? Was she only asking for closure? Nobody knew. There was only one Sheila.

However, how many of us see our lives similar to hers? How many of us is pretending to live a happy and content life, hiding the unforgiveable sorrow behind our masks? How many of us can really let things go and start everything from 0... Expectations and more expectations, when can we all stop asking questions and responding to what others expect us to do? When? Maybe we should all stop pretending, expectating and alluding.

Not everything is explicable. When people are lost, they search for different explainations. But why? To feel a little bit more comfortable? Maybe. To excuse themselves why things went wrong? Maybe. To make themselves feel part of the norm, because when something happens, there must be a reason for sure, right? Maybe. Not everything has a reason. Things just happen, sometimes. Let's not be afraid to embrace the unknown and the unexplainable. Life is... is simply life, nothing less nothing more.

The end.