Letters

I woke up and you weren't next to me. All I could see was an empty pillow with only a few of your hair laying on it. I pulled your pillow and the duvet close to me so I could inhale your smell. That smell was so you. Only you have it. I felt like shit knowing that you were once there, but there was no way I could see you, hold you, kiss you in that precise moment. I missed you then. I missed you like hell. I missed you like I never missed anyone else.

When I was wandering around with my thoughts, I remembered the letters I wrote to you but never had the courage to send them because they just weren't good enough... Because you deserve so much more...
















23rd of September, 2010

The nights are becoming longer which means it's taking me longer to fall asleep. There could be a million reasons why I can't just close my eyes and sleep like any other creature. But none of them beats the fact that it's because of you. Because you aren't next to me. Not that you make me fall asleep. Is the sense that the person I care and love the most is actually next to me. Right next to me so I can look at him and feel the safest, the luckiest person in the world... Is the sense that whenever I have nightmares I can feel your arms wrapped tightly around me, making me able to fall asleep again... Is the sense that in case I suddenly wake up, I can look at your face and kiss your lips without you knowing... And I crave for all that... I miss you... I miss spending every day and night with you here at 395... Come back home please.


23rd of October, 2010

Another month's gone. Time passes by in such a slow motion. I need you here. I need you. My head is hurting and I'm really close to explode... You're my drug... The only remedy to keep me alive... Yes, you've got a tremendous responsibility on your shoulders... And I'm tied to you now... So please, keep drugging me just like the past year and 2 months...


I don't need to write you letters anymore... Simply because you deserve to hear them when your eyes cross with mine.

:)

"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart... It's a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.", by Barbara De Angelis.

Monday Morning

This place is suffocating

I can't find my way out

everything is so strange

to me

people walking

passing me by

with worrying looks on their faces

they make me curious

and I wonder why

why do they frown so much

and smile so little

but nobody answers

no one dares to answer

simple

because this is life

someone says

someone finally tells me something

everyone is so busy

with their own lives

they barely have time for others

it's money

money and more money

and so

people go on forgetting

the real meaning of life

what is it anyway?

it's probably

working hard

earning a lot

and that's it...

and here I am

lost in the middle of nowhere

while a kid in front of me smiles

with my relieved face reflected

in his eyes.

Alert

It's about time you wake up. Hurting people doesn't make you feel any cuter. And when you constantly do so to those around you, those who love you, it turns you into something indescribably annoying. Wake up. Wake up now before it's too late. You're not having a cold. You're not having a massive digestive disorder. You are having a very spoiled, reckless and ridiculous behaviour which is worse than any diseases out there. Wake up...

Yea... I think it's really time for me to wake up...

365 days

"I say... I say... I want us to be together..." and so the song keeps playing till I can't no longer let it in.












I have no idea why I'm missing you this much even though we'd just had lunch. Perhaps the sandwich I had didn't make me full enough. Or perhaps, I'm just too... too into you. If I could, I would love to in filter myself to every single visible pore of yours, so I could stay with you 24 x 7. But let's stop thinking the impossible, and aim for something more viable which is: to stick myself next to you, just like koalas do when they hug a tree from sunrise till they have pins and needles, and ignore everything around me except the notion of your breath still blowing my ears. The whole mechanism of thinking of you at night wishing tomorrow could come easier and faster, seeing you in the afternoon holding your arm and refusing to let you go, and then longing for you again during the evening and dreaming of you in my ridiculously sweet yet wild dreams is driving me mental... Maybe I'm exaggerating. Mental is not the right word here... Let me put it this way: all this is driving me close to a certain level of neediness impossible to be surpassed. And all this neediness growing inside this fragile body of mine is all due to one thing: Love. Yes, I'm so in love with you that I got to see you everyday. I'm so in love with you that I have to breathe your unique smell everyday. I'm so in love with you that whenever I see you smile I smile as well even though I just stepped on something really brownish, sticky and smelly. Believe or not, you've become my life. If this is freaking you out, well, all I can say is: you just have to deal with it, because deep down you're feeling the same mechanism of love, pumping your heart and coloring your days. So come on, just admit it.

There are 365 days in a year, and you've successfully managed to go through such a tough metamorphosis: from a mere human being into someone else's most precious and beautiful other half... Let me be precise: my other half. So thank you, my love.

His Past Or Theirs?

She wonders why
Why she still cares
Cares about his past
His past that is long gone
Gone far away
Away? Is it so?

He thinks there's no need
No need for more questions
Questions that won't solve past issues
Issues that is none of her business

She secretly agrees
Agrees with him but
But her heart is telling her there must be
Must be something else, something hidden
Something hidden that he doesn't want her to know
To know a part of him she didn't know before

He finds all these a waste of time
Time that should be cherished and not
And not be dwelled in history
History that is no longer the present
The present that is far more important than the past

She says: for me to give all my love to you, I need to, and I must know everything about your past.
He says: then maybe you shouldn't love the present me... there is only one Me... and it's nowhere but here.

Words

It was when you said "all the time". It was in that precise moment. It was right there when I felt my face getting wet. I just found out that whenever you said you were happy next to me, I was being moody with you. Whenever I said I loved you, I was being moody with you. Whenever you hold me tight and looked into my eyes saying how in love you were with me, I was in a mood with you. And it was when I kissed your lips and hold your arm very tenderly, I was in a mood with you. I'm starting to love these words: all the time.