1 Minute Wonder

It stopped. And I wonder why when there's really nothing to wonder.

The Couple (II)

When I see them run, having fun all the way through, it makes me want to play with them. I haven't had a proper laugh in years. I see her standing nearby the door staring at me, waiting for me to say something. But I can't. I just can't. And I'm not going to. She comes over and kisses me. But I feel nothing. Really. Her lips are cold and it's unnerving how she acts like that trying so hard to make me love her. Well, I guess I've this abnormality called "the incapacity to love". And I'm so proud of it. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. What do you want me to do?! You knew it, so why are you trying to make me feel bad?! You can cry, I'm not going to wipe your tears. I thought you got used to this... And yes, I can see tears rolling down her pale face. I seriously don't know why she keeps doing this to herself. It doesn't affect me, it only damages her own self. She must be really dumb to still think I'll change when I see her cry. It's the 1629th time she's doing it. Some people just never learn... She finally moves her ass and leaves the room, but before she does, she gives me that look. The sort of look that says - you'll regret it. Want to know what I'm regretted of? Is that I was stupid enough choosing to be with you, that's what I regret. And I'm showing her a complete relieved happy face. Glad to see her moving. Just go and don't try that on me ever again.

You might wonder why I'm being such a complete ass to her. And to you, my reader, there's always a reason behind every action, because that's the motivation to actually put that action into action, you see what I mean? She's the most cruel woman I've ever met. She manipulates people, influences those close around her, and she doesn't waste a chance to prove to others how cool she is. She is nuts. And I hate her. You might think, all women are a bit like that, so there's really no reason to over react. Oh you haven't seen what she's capable of, just yet.

My story is simple. I grew up without having a proper dad around at home. Did quite badly at school but managed to get to university without finishing my degree. Been into a few relationships and ending up with someone I thought was perfect for me. Unemployed and ready to die. Yes, that's my story. Simple and pretty common. When I die I won't take the truth with me, I'll let the whole world know what happened and what a mental freak she was to me. I'm not going to hold the truth with me like many of us do. Why would we do that? That's so selfish. I might be a coward, but at least I know the ugly truth and am willing to share it. How many of us can do that?

I just don't want her near me when I'm ready to perish.

The Couple (I)

When I got there you were already gone. Everything looked the same except they seemed tidier and that bothered me. I walked to your room and I couldn't smell your scent anymore. It was an empty cold room with nothing resembling your presence. You just vanished the entire place, unwilling to give me one more chance to see you go. Refusing to let me breathe you for one last time. How cruel was that? You were mean. Harsh. Unreasonable. You left me in such a hurry allowing me to keep my sadness and desperation away from everybody and to die inside my already dead soul. Who were you to do that? I hated you. I hated you more than anything. You selfish filthy thing... You took away my pride, my freedom, my hunger to cry... As I was forcing myself to shed some tears out, I sat on the floor. I couldn't feel anything. I needed to go, needed to run... It was too suffocating in such a big house. And so I closed the door without looking back even though I knew you were nearby watching me. You coward.

It's been a year now since I last saw you. I wonder where you are. Some people told me you went to far east. Well, you've always wanted to travel to the other side of the world. You just didn't because I wouldn't let you. I dragged you all the way with me to places you never really wanted to stay. And that must had been quite hard on you. Was it the reason why you left? I don't know. I'm waiting for you to tell me. In case you ever do, please stay for longer before you are ready to leave me again.

Relationships are weird links. They can be so convincing and terribly reliable, promising the whole world. Yet, nothing is guaranteed. Thus, how reliable could they be? Another delusion, another deception... I'm not saying it's impossible though. It's only... too hard. I remember you told me the story of the scorpion and frog. The scorpion wanted to cross the river, but he didn't know how to swim. He saw a frog around and asked if the frog could take him on the back. The frog said no, because it knew when they arrive to the other side of the river, the scorpion would sting the frog. But the scorpion insisted he would not. The frog trusted him. At the end, he got killed, and wondered why. The scorpion said "I'm sorry, but this is my nature". Was that your nature as well? Or was I too ingenuous?

I'm just too desperate for something believable.

60

I kept chasing it, till it flew too high. All I could do was watching it go, further and further away from where it never belonged.

I see them having a good time. Laughing, drinking and cheering, totally enjoying the night. That girl there, she glances at him every once in a while. And he has no idea of it, just yet. People come here to have a good time after a long day work. Far away from all those driving them crazy during the day. Away from those who are mere fools but are too foolish to admit their incurable disease. That group are having champagne. Young and happy. When was my last time having that? I can't remember. I'm no longer young, but I'm content. Does it mean I'm happy? Maybe. Well, perhaps it doesn't matter anymore, as long as I feel secure and still able to walk without any help. Yes, the older you get, the less you aim for. Life becomes simple... and boring. But it satisfies you, not all the time though. Those two are getting closer. They must be talking about something funny. Look at her smile. And the way he looks at her. What a flirtatious girl she is. Daring and playful. The music is getting louder. Most people are ready to dance. The pair is dancing now and something is soon to happen. And yes, he kissed her. They are looking at each other's eyes and it makes me feel lonely. But I'm glad he did it. He did what I didn't do 60 years ago. And all these years seem like yesterday.

?

Something is not right.
Is it just me or the entire world?
Tell me.

His Story

I don't know what I'm doing here, I don't know what's waiting for me out there. If only you could tell me. I'm tired, ridiculously tired. I can fall asleep with my eyes wide open, thinking of you. Is it any good? Thinking of you can only make things worse. Maybe I should stop then. I should put an end to this inexplicable infatuation towards someone I barely know. Yes, I never really knew you. I'm looking at my hands and they remind me of your lean fingers. They remind me of how we played with our hands while we were at the cinema. Everybody was so concentrated apart from us, wandering around, allowing our hands to make love in such a smooth way. No one noticed. How could they. We did it in such a discreet way. Your hands. I miss them. I can't touch you anymore. And it hurts till I can no longer feel it. I guess I'm immune to any pain right now. I thought I saw you the other day. You were with him and your kids. You looked happy and so content. But no, it wasn't you. You were never satisfied, and it's not now that you're going to be. For that I'm sure of. It was always hard to keep with your appetite. You were picky, extremely demanding. Well, those days are gone now. But I wish I could go back and feed your reckless and selfish hunger. I wish. Where are you? It's not fair you leaving me here alone. We were supposed to start a new episode of our lives together in this unknown city full of excitement and danger. But you left me without a word. You left without saying a proper goodbye. You just left. I knew you weren't that in love with me when you said you were willing to start something new together. I knew it. I just hoped you would change your mind and appreciate what I'd be doing for you. But you needed to leave. Needed to go back. Needed to return to him. I can't count the times you sneaked out to spend some time with him, but I remember all of them. Back then it was painfully irritating to see you lying in front of my face and you knew exactly that I was aware of your lies. But you didn't do anything about it, you just kept lying and digging my heart deeper and deeper to engrave your lies. It hurt a lot. But I was madly in love with you and I couldn't imagine life without you. I'd rather live a lie then be awake in reality when I wouldn't even have the chance to smell you. I was desperate. I am still desperate for a tiny piece of you. When I close my eyes I see the numerous times we held hands, kissed and stared at each other ready to dive into the heat. But I can't kiss you right now. I can't never hold you tight to my chest again. I can only see you passing by and playing with other men. I witness everything including the things I don't want to. But it doesn't bother you does it? Because deep down you think I'm just another man who wasn't courageous enough to accept your wildness. I'm sorry, I couldn't take it. And it's too late now. It's too late to redeem anything. Now, that I'm dead, you're free to do whatever you want with your heart. But please remember, just remember to keep a tiny piece for me.

Can't Hear You

I ask for a glass of water
you give me a bottle,
I ask for half an hour
you give me your entire day,
hey,
aren't you tired?
you give me too much,
indulging me with excessiveness
but without ever handing me what I really want.